No Excuse, I’m Just Like This

I’m not consistent.  I’ve made that claim on here several times and tried to explain away a very large gap in my posting.  To be honest, my priority for running this blog hasn’t been quite as high as actually getting work done on my novel, but that all sort of derailed around March.

In March I had one of those big-life-change moments, I found out I was pregnant.  Not a bad my-life-is-over surprise, just a tad unanticipated (though not strictly avoided) sort of surprise.  I wanted kids, my husband wanted kids, this was the life we wanted.  I did not, however, look forward to the growing and birthing part of it.  This led to a lot of panic, stress, anxiety, fear…just a lot of  bad emotions that kept me from doing a lot of things I enjoyed.  But that’s just me, I was always going to gravitate toward the negative.

I had to be induced and so went into labor a month early, the 36 week mark (for those that don’t know, that is technically one week premature), which led to my daughter staying in the NICU for 26 days.  She’s home now.  Healthy and happy.  But I still haven’t found my stride.  I still can’t quite get back into anything I enjoyed.

Change is difficult for me.  Most of my energy is spent catching up.  She’s a really easy baby.  I had a really easy pregnancy.  I had a really easy delivery.  And yet I’m struggling.

I miss writing.  I miss my characters and the stories I want to write for them.  There were so many worlds I wanted to explore.  I want to finish my current novel so I can move on to others that I’ve brainstormed and toyed with.  There are unread books stacking up on my ‘to read’ shelf.  I seem to prefer throwing on a favorite show and binging.  A task that doesn’t require any emotional or mental effort from me, and so a lazy escape.


That’s it.  I’m a mother now and it’s weird.  It’s hard to explain how it is for me, but it’s nothing like television.  As I kept repeating to the nurses while I was in labor, nothing was happening the way TV shows it.  I imagine it’s different for everyone, though.  I might make a separate post about all the un-television-like aspects because, honestly, there are some things that I think first time mothers need to hear.  Things that aren’t said or brought up that you don’t expect.  But this is not a maternity blog and I am loath to start one.

We’ll see.  For now, that’s the update on my situation and why I’ve been absent for so long.  And why I will continue to be absent until I can catch up to life again.

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Writing a Novella

Hi everyone! So if you know anything about my blog, in my very small unknown corner of the internet, you would know that I am an aspiring writer working on a series called The Rogue Chronicles. Rec…

Source: Writing a Novella

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What Defines Love?

I am a hopeless romantic.  Romance features heavily in most of what I read or write.  Romance is what pulls me through a story.  Set me up with sexual tension and one-sided pining.  Will they? /Won’t they?  I’m a sap for it all.  Provided it’s handled even the least bit delicately, I’m all in, I am there until the end.  Show me their journey to happily ever after.

Given this hold on my heart, I’m well acquainted with the romantic journey.  In a way that it has taught me that love is different and unique.  It’s subjective and belonging purely to those entwined in its embrace.

Two characters might join in their hatred.  They’re allied by a bleak, dark sense of humor and bond over their shared morbid and cynical views on the world.  They are united in their similarities.  Truly, they could probably not share an intimate moment with anyone but each other.

One character is cheer personified.  They are light and sunshine.  They radiate with joy and good humor.  The other is emotionally distant.  They’re closed off, reserved.  They’re shy.  They’re moody.  They scowl all the time while the other person never stops smiling.  These two are opposite and they need each other to find balance.

Two broken souls, struggling to hold together, find solace and healing in each other.  They’re scared to trust, to let down their walls, but for each other they begin to let go.

Romance can be as diverse as the characters.  It can be subtle, the fall into love a quiet thing that builds slowly.  Or it can be passion, a spark ignited in their bodies before it reaches their hearts.

It can be predictable.  It can come out of no where.

The core of romance is love and love can be anything.

Love is fascinating.  The depths, ranges, nuances.  An endearment of “I love you, sweetheart” that carries equal weight and meaning for a couple that prefers “You’re such an asshole.”  I’m fascinated that we have fairy tale, idealistic, Hallmark notions of romantic, the stylized formulaic notions of flowers and dinner dates and sharing a few hobbies and how that only scrapes the surface of what is truly romantic, what is genuinely love.

And it doesn’t end.  Relationships are built on layers upon layers.  The love that exists between two people will grow and evolve and sift its way into all of them.  The physical aspects are just as influenced and unique to the characters involved as anything else.  Couple A spends the entire book dancing around a first kiss, until it all spills out into one passionate, all-inhibitions-off scene.  They were a sub-plot, a string of sexual tension to build and resonate in their scenes.  Couple B starts slow, but earnestly.  They start with their hands, fingers entwined.  They progress with the story, hands to touches to kisses to groping to under the clothes to clothes thrown everywhere.

I explore genres of science fiction or fantasy, magic and adventure and action, themes I’ve always been inclined to enjoy.  When I write the plot is a reflection of one of those, but, to me, it’s not a complete story unless some hero or heroine is skirting around their other half twhile also trying to avert disaster.  Romance is not always necessary (@hollywood) but when done well, it’s the part of the story that resonates with me.  My WIP is littered with romantic subplots.  All of them unique.

Because love is defined by the characters, always.

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Character 7s: Guin Alloise

For now this is in beta testing, the trial version if you will, but I wanted to do a themed segment for this blog.  Character, where I will be sharing seven bullet points about one of my characters.  Facts, quotes, insight, pieces of text, anything up to seven bullet points. 7s, because I will do this on days that end in 7.  Like today, the 17th.

Today’s character is Guin, a girl I created a long time ago.  I attempted a few stories with her, only recently did I re-read one and edit it to be more or less a stand alone short fiction.  Click here to read her story: Monsters in the Alley.

Guin AGuineverelloise

  • Guin has a faded appearance, like colors dulled after too much exposure, she lacks vibrancy.  With pale eyes and dry, choppy blonde hair.
  • She is a resident of the Institute, where doctors and staff work to monitor and repair the damage to her mind inflicted before her mysterious arrival twelve years ago.  She’s improved, but not enough for release.
  • Guin recites Fibonacci sequences to soothe herself.
  • Guin displays frequent signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, Insomnia, PTSD, and exhibits behaviors on the Autism spectrum. No official diagnoses have been made.
  • Recently, she has started to enjoy sneaking out into the surrounding city.  Where, at first, the mess and chaos terrified her, she now pushes herself to see the beauty in disorder.
  • She has no known memories of laughing.
  • Guin’s greatest desire is to be strong enough to help others instead of constantly being helped.

artwork credit to

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I find that using a thesaurus when I write is extremely helpful.  I vary in my search between a right click in my Word document, internet search, and picking up one of the three printed copies I own.  This method is helpful because my vocabulary is lacking for someone who wants writing to be a profession and I suffer from that thing where you can’t recall the word you need, even if you know it, that often results in me describing everyday objects to my husband who then has to interpret what I’m trying to say.  There’s a word for it, but I can’t recall.  I have always endeavored to push through my technical and mechanical shortcomings with writing and to make up for them in genuine passion for storytelling.

But there is a trick to using a thesaurus that started from my genuine insecurity in my own understanding, but that I now realize is an actual piece of writing advice.  The trick with using a thesaurus is to always, also, use a dictionary.

It may seem obvious, but even I still misuse words because I neglect to look them up beforehand.  A word can share meaning and abstract definition, but may not be interchangeable.  Connotations can be different–which is a word I just looked up to double check that I was indeed using it correctly–and different connotations means that some words won’t work for what you’re trying to say.

A thesaurus can be really helpful.  I often go on thesaurus treasure hunts when I use the internet.  Where I start with the closest word I can think of to what I want and then click around from there.  I usually go through a few pages of searching before I find the word I’m looking for, and then I double check with the dictionary that it will work in context.

You may still get words wrong, but that’s what editing is for.



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Setting Up

I’m still in the process of configuring my online presence as an author.  Social media is my downfall.  I’ve done very well using Tumblr for all my fangirl needs.  But now is the time to start building a professional presence.  Potential readers don’t need to see me fangirling over anime characters or reblogging smut featuring Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.

First step was this blog.  Check.

Second was to start wading out into social media.  I now have a twitter.  Link is on my sidebar.  I have one tweet.  I don’t anticipate it to always be this easy.

My author site has been scrapped together with my meager Photoshop skills.  See it here.

I’m winging this entire process.  All I know is that I have a story, I’m excited to share it, and I want people to read it.

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Remiss in Posting

I’m going to use the excuse of life happens for my lack of attention to this blog.  It’s still fairly new so I’m assuming I wasn’t missed.  But the purpose of this blog is to generate some online presence for my eventual work so updating is essential.  We’ll see how it goes.

Once I have a completed draft (I’m on draft three and still haven’t written the blasted ending) then I’ll focus more on WIP content.  I guess in the meantime it’ll just be me and my thoughts filling up the space here.

Speaking of my thoughts, I finally sat down and watched Grease Live and I accidentally fell in love with the entire cast.

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Fear, Reservation, too Timid for Plot

I find that my natural reservation, my constant fear of commitment and certainty is becoming a hindrance in my work.  Something that needs to be overcome.  My nature is to mull over action before committing.  I don’t chose things that I can’t easily take back.

This will occasionally hold me back when it comes to plot.  I don’t raise the stakes.  I don’t take leaps.  It’s difficult to get my characters into “no turning back” situations that make for compelling stories.

I’m working to overcome this, to force myself to take those leaps.  One step toward that was starting this blog.  Anyone else have this problem?  Anyone else notice personal obstacles holding you back in one aspect or another of your work?

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When You Want to Write so Writing Is the Last Thing You Do

Getting through this draft is a challenge.  Once I have the document open and my classical playlist quiet in the background I can get 1,000 words, 2,000 words out without too much frustration.  It’s opening the document at all that’s the challenge.  I often can’t bring myself to look at it.

This week will be a challenge in overcoming that.

We’ll see how it goes.

It’s four in the morning.  So I guess this doesn’t count until after I sleep.

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The Second Cycle: Character Intros

Jade Avaris Redesign FullName: Jade Avaris
Age: Mid 20s
Family: Unknown
Orientation: Bisexual/Biromantic
Allies: Leon
Home Nation: Harrowind

About: Jade Avaris was orphaned too young to remember anything about her life.  She spent years surviving in a declining city, alone, then unfortunate circumstances lead her to Leon.

She likes to look good, often flashy or with unnecessary embellishments.  She is flamboyant at times, rather lazy unless properly motivated, and is rarely without humor.

She’s shy about the origin of her self-assigned last name, but shy about nothing else.

She can be cocky, but willing to laugh at herself. She is impulsive and runs on emotion. She has authority issues and is very much the type that if told “don’t push the button,” she will definitely push the button.

Jade is fun, spirited, and loves junk food.

She grew up in port towns and often smells of salt water and wind.  She tries to mask it with strong floral scents.  She hates the sea.  She hates fish.

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